By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
You may have seen the artwork of Butcher Billy, as it’s been making the rounds on social media lately. The folks over at Laughing Squid brought this to my attention and it’s both inspiring and a bit scary.
 
First, the scary. These songs are extremely creepy when considered through this perspective. Except, of course, “Every Breath You Take,” which has always been pretty creepy. Butcher Billy did an outstanding job of invoking the look of King’s classic covers. This retro horror is all over the place these days, most prominently on Netflix’s heavily-hyped Stranger Things (which, to be fair, completely delivers on the hype). I’m thinking we’ll see more of this look.
 
Second, the inspiring. Looking at these covers is a good reminder of something we’ve talked about frequently, which is that a story can change in the retelling. All it took to render these lyrics as an ode to stalking and obsession was some new fonts and artwork to recall classic horror book covers. That’s literally it. No offense to Mr. Billy, who did a fine job executing these. My point is that meaning can shift very quickly with a few strokes (or words).
 
What has been the book cover of your life lately? It seems you’d have to start with genre. Have you been trying to figure things out (mystery)? Do you have a new love in your life (romance)? Are you dreaming of what your life will be like when you complete a current challenge (fantasy)?
 
Now comes the hard part. What would happen to the story if you changed the genre. What if you shifted from romance to Western? Perhaps your love affair would all of a sudden seem like a showdown. High Noon stuff. Would you be thinking of a make-or-break with your partner? Is this “the one?” Are you willing to lay it all on the line and tell this person exactly how you feel?
 
What if your life shifted from a fantasy to a mystery? Perhaps you’re looking at a challenge and just figuring out a way to get through it. You’re going to put your head down and fight, fight, fight. But maybe you should think about this. What have you used to solve problems before, besides just elbow grease? Why are you using your current approach? Is there something that might be more effective and allow a different ending? Who knows, maybe this is a mash-up of two genres, something that has been all the rage for some time know, as we confront a creative era in which, seemingly, “everything has been done.” The good news is that everything hasn’t been done in your life. Your story may be well underway, but you can always change the tone and the outcome. Slap a new cover on there and find out what your life is about now.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
What if LOST had really gone out with a bang?
 
According to this recent article, the producers of LOST wanted to include the eruption of a volcano in the series finale of the show. The final season tends to be heavily criticized, but I am a LOST fanboy and think they did the best they could considering it was, in all likelihood, made up as the series went along. To me, this was apparent while viewing it, and there was no ending that was going to tie up all of the loose ends. The volcano would have been better than the golden light (which was kinda hokey, truthfully).
 
What fascinated me about this LOST revelation was that the producers and writers had hinted about the possibility of the volcano playing a role and were forced to abandon it due to budget constraints. Generally when writing fiction, the developments in the story should pull towards the ending. Otherwise, the creator runs the risk of having a deus ex machina moment and annoying readers/viewers.
 
To get existential for a moment, all of our lives have the same literal ending. No one lives forever. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. If we view our lives as a series of interlocking stories, inevitably new pieces will begin and others will end. It’s the natural ebb and flow of living 70+ years.
 
But how the story of our lives and events in our lives end is something else entirely. Frequently when I meet with a client for the first time, they may feel that they have hit a dead end. “I can’t solve this problem because this and this and that happened, so I’m stuck with this situation.” As a therapist and creative person, I totally understand this line of thinking. Many of us group things that happen in our life into stories, and if you notice things (like hints of a volcano, say) it’s no surprise that you expect a volcano at the end. But are events and outcomes in our life inevitable? I don’t think they are.
 
My first thought upon hearing that someone feels that a certain outcome is predetermined is to ask “what would you like to see happen?” Inevitably, the client is going to say something different than whatever they feel is the predetermined outcome. Helping a client set this goal is the job of a therapist. It’s funny… we may sit around our house thinking that we want something to be different but not sure what it is or how to make it happen. Then you get in a room with a therapist and you’re able to articulate a goal. Like magic!
 
And it is a bit like magic… but not really. That “someone I don’t know” is a big part of the reason that therapy works. When you’re talking to a mental health professional in an office or clinic, it’s totally different than talking to a friend or family member. You don’t have to ask yourself “why is this person giving me this advice?” because a therapist is not involved in your life personally and you recognize that they have no personal stake in the outcome. This is, of course, the value of therapeutic services being very private. It’s a literal sanctuary. A place where the ending is not predetermined and where you can collaborate to work on the steps to get to that all-new better ending.
 
Unless… 4 8 15 16 23 42 means something to you. In which case, maybe it is all predetermined.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
 
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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
Kudos to Selena Gomez for being so open about facing her mental health struggles. Every person who takes this step knocks one more brick out of the stigmatizing wall that surrounds mental and behavioral health. In this article from Vogue, she recalls feeling "depressed" and "anxious" as well as experiencing "panic attacks."
 
There’s quite a bit to explore in her remarks from the Vogue piece. She discusses the struggles she had with touring, something that many of us can probably understand and NOT understand simultaneously. On one hand, so many people dream of being a rich and successful performer. On the other, no matter our life situation, face challenges and problems. From reading years of rock star memoirs and biographies, it seems these problems may be magnified when the pressures of fame are rolled into the mix with their mix of temptations. Clients frequently struggle with this dilemma: “I have a problem, but it’s not as bad as children that are starving.” This may or may not be true, but we can only deal with the things in our own life and from our own perspective.
 
Gomez talks about efforts to slow her life down and create boundaries between herself and the world of fame, as well as seeing a therapist five days a week. “DBT has completely changed my life. I wish more people would talk about therapy. We girls, we’re taught to be almost too resilient, to be strong and sexy and cool and laid-back, the girl who’s down. We also need to feel allowed to fall apart.”
 
DBT is an acronym for Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I spoke with therapist Karen Nowacek, LPC, who works with clients at San Antonio’s Eating Recovery Center and is a DBT practitioner and advocate to get her thoughts on Selena Gomez’s words, though she has obviously not worked with Gomez personally.
 
“It sounds like Selena Gomez is living into one of the basic assumptions of DBT—the assumption that everyone is doing the best they can and in the next moment can make changes to do better,” Nowacek said. “When you start from that premise, it really helps to us to build empathy for those that have invalidated and hurt us in the past.”
 
Many psychotherapists use Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. If you’ve been to therapy, odds are good that this is the approach your therapist used (though it’s not the one I use personally, which I’ve talked about previously). 
 
“DBT is an emotion regulation therapy,” Nowacek explained. “It offers real life skills (such as minding the consequences and checking the facts) to help regulate our strong emotions that can make life difficult to handle. Most of the maladaptive coping we do is just our struggling to feel better.”
 
“DBT is a mindfulness based therapy—teaching us a practice which helps to focus on present moment awareness while noticing our thoughts, emotions and physical sensations,” she added. “It is in the non-judgmental noticing that we can let go of those thoughts, emotions and feelings that are so difficult. This therapy has been truly life changing for many.”
 
Unfortunately, this approach is not as widely practiced, so it can be challenging to find a clinician with this orientation. However, they are out there and websites like Psychology Today make it easier than ever to find a therapist and discover their approach before calling.
 
If you are experiencing any of the symptoms that Selena Gomez discussed, please talk a mental health professional in your area.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC, is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
 
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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
Well, I can’t say I’m the world’s biggest Queen fan, but there is no denying their talent and long-lasting influence and popularity. The Freddy Mercury biopic is still MIA, but they are getting their own version of Monopoly. And as a guy who loves rock music and Monopoly (and wrote about the great Free Parking controversy), I’m pretty enthusiastic about this. Now somebody get on a Rush or Phish game.
 
BUT, I digress. We’re talking about Queen Monopoly here. You’ve probably seen this sort of thing before, as re-themed board games are sort of a cottage industry. I owned a Lord Of The Rings Risk for a while, and it was pretty darn cool. Same for Star Wars Monopoly. You know the score: all the game elements are there with the requisite nods. You know there will be a “Bohemian Rhapsody” reference in there; the only question is what will it be.
 
So what if your life was made into Monopoly? Some stuff would be obvious. Your job would keep you going around the board for that measly $200. (Hopefully the salary is upped for the Queen game, geez; inflation, people.) And maybe some key locations would on there too. The street you live on, maybe the street you grew up on. Some places you like to hang out, too. And then, maybe in the high rent area, some places you really enjoy visiting but get to do infrequently. For me, it would be some of my favorite places: Carlsbad Caverns, Stubb’s Backyard Amphitheater or maybe Hollywood Studios at Disneyworld. But what about the cards?
 
In real Monopoly, they are Community Chest and Chance. Community Chest is one thing. As a therapist, I believe in the power of social support systems and “chipping in,” so I can get behind Community Chest. But Chance? In my Monopoly game, I think I’d have to ditch Chance and go with something a little more purposeful and oriented towards strength-building. I’m not saying that random things don’t happen in life; of course they do. I’m just saying why spend time worrying about it when you can spend your time concentrating on the things you can control and ways to solve problems that are in your grasp. I’m saying you have a card deck of strengths, so use it.
 
Think about the ways that you have successfully coped with or solved problems in the past. For me, one way would be humor. I love some sarcasm and a good joke, and this perspective helps me get through tough times. As I stated above and many times previously, listening to music is a great coping skill. Before Spotify, I would reward an achievement with a purchase of a new album. I’m also open to reading articles to learn skills and perspectives and able to think of things rationally.
 
What about you? What things have you done in the past to solve problems that you might overlook until you draw the card? Maybe you’re a very caring person, which is great. But it’s more than that. You have to be able to apply your skill. Humor is fine, but it’s all in how you use it. As far as being a compassionate person, maybe you recharge your batteries by helping others. Maybe this means you have a large network of people who love and care for you and who you can turn to during a crisis. You have your strengths if you’ve gotten far enough in life to be reading this.
 
Life isn’t Monopoly! There’s no Free Parking in life (real life that is—The Game Of Life is for another post). The only question is what strength cards you will play and whether you’ve thought enough about your successes to identify those strengths.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC, is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
 
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