By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
Let’s face it, a lot of rock guitar playing (and ESPECIALLY metal) is about effects. As this video posted on Metal Injection makes painfully clear, without some distortion, your riffs are pretty much gonna suck. Safe to say there would be no arenas full of people rocking out if all these riffs were played clean (although “Raining Blood” still sounds pretty darn sinister—that’s Slayer for ya).
 
I had an immediate reaction to this video as a therapist, which is that this immediately applies in two seemingly unrelated areas a lot of us wrestle with; so let’s free associate, shall we? While cutting out distortion ruins a lot of rock, it’s damn good for effective communication. Let’s look at a couple of examples.
 
The first is that a lot of what people are trying to tell us gets lost in a lot of bluster, or distortion. So many of us are overwhelmed by so much information all day, it’s hard to process it. People talking to us at work, at home and blasting us full of information, especially on social media. But how much of this is real and how much of it is, well, distorted? We live in an era of fakery more than ever. People can construct their own simple riff and then pile a lot of distortion on top of it. It used to be Keeping Up With The Joneses; not it’s keeping up with the Joneses’ Facebook. And much of what people post is a narrative about their life that is misleading at best and untrue at worst.
 
But you don’t have to listen. There’s always just stepping back. But you can also work the idea of narrative to your own advantage your own effect, if you will. We often make the mistake of thinking we are the only one with problems, when that is simply untrue. We’re just hearing our own unfiltered riffs and they’re sucking. Ask yourself, are people really hearing this? Or are they too busy wrapped up in their own problems and lives to even notice what you’re saying, let alone cut through the clutter. Most people’s lives are turbocharged in the way they present them. There’s nothing to keep up with because it’s distortion and underneath, they have the same simple wants, dreams, fears that you and I do.
 
The other thing this video made me think of is communicating in a relationship. When we fight with our significant other, there’s a LOT of distortion: shouting, emotion, etc. So what is the simple riff underneath all that noise? This is one reason that many marriage and family therapists recommend that when you are trying to help your partner understand where you’re coming from use what’s called an “I need” statement. “I need your support.” “I need you to help me take care of the kids at bedtime.” “I need you to respect that I need to work late.” Cutting out the distortion helps get the point across and may make the talk more effective. An “I need” is much different that “you never support me!” “You never take care of the kids at bedtime!” It’s much more direct and you might have a better chance of getting through to your partner without all that noise.
 
But metal, yeah. It is horrible without the distortion. So don’t change that.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC, is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
I have written extensively about the power of narratives in psychotherapy, particularly in one of my favorite pieces, concerning the films of Quentin Tarantino. So I was kinda blown away when I ran across this article from Wired that makes a lot of the same points I’ve tried to make, only really cool because it’s about nuclear bombs going off in video games. I’m being sarcastic, but not really; my whole reason for this blog is to help people think about therapy and self-help in terms of pop culture that they enjoy in everyday life and to remove the stigma of mental health by helping people realize that tools are all around them and already in their personal arsenal. Your arsenal, that is. You hold the keys to solving current problems by examining past successes.
 
The section that most struck me from the Wired piece was “But losing is important. I’m not saying that games should be harder. I’m talking about the importance of failure to narrative.” This applies not just to challenging players in video games, but also to movies and to life. Think about something like Star Wars. Would it have been the same if, instead of getting caught by a tractor beam, the Millennium Falcon had simply waltzed up to the Death Star and blown it up? If Obi-Wan had never been killed by Vader (*spoiler alert--haha*)? No. Luke learned about the meaning of struggle, which gave his ultimate victory of blowing up the Death Star (and ultimately toppling the Empire) more meaning. He had to sacrifice to get there. Things inherently have more value in stories, and in life, if they are hard to get. Which is the point of failure in video games and the article on their lack, at times.
 
Think back about a time in your life when you have failed at something. And I’m not talking last week. Maybe several months or even years ago. There is the cliché that “there is always a silver lining,” but I think oftentimes we make that silver lining ourselves. When I was in grad school, I got a much lower than expected grade on an assessment exercise. As a result, I really applied myself and did much better and was commended by the professor on a project later in the semester. I realized that I didn’t quite understand what I was supposed to do, so I took a harder look at the textbook and other materials. My final work was much better and even meant more to me. Was I annoyed at the initial low grade? You better believe it. So there was a silver lining, but only because I did something differently.
 
So consider the failure that you identified from above. What did you learn from that failure? What did you do differently as a result of that failure? If you learned a new skill, how did you learn it? If you adjusted your attitude, how did you make that adjustment? What victory did this lead to and did it mean more to you once you defeated a challenge?
 
Now think of a challenge that you are facing currently, today, right now in your life. What lesson can you apply from a past defeat followed by victory. What about that new skill? What about a reminder that sometimes you do have to check your attitude or outlook? What about a reminder that things take time and patience is required, even if it’s hard? All of these, and more, can spring from failure. There is power in failure, but you have to harness it.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
Galactic Empire, a metal band that specializes in metalizing (you guessed it) Star Wars soundtrack numbers just released a self-titled, full-length album. Though this is a novelty record through and through, it’s a pretty fun one. Their take on the Cantina Band theme is especially cool. Multiple music critics have made the assertion that heavy metal is rooted in classical music, especially the European classical tradition, and this album makes a pretty strong case. If you’re still not convinced, there’s a whole history of this type of metal/classical stuff, most successfully Apocalyptica plays Metallica.
 
OK, you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with psychotherapy? Well, it turns out that telling your story in a different fashion can really make a lot of difference. On one hand, the notes, rhythms, chord changes, etc. from the original Star Wars soundtrack are the same when an orchestra performs the score or when Galactic Empire rips it up. But, wait a minute. It sounds almost completely different when Galactic Empire does it. So is it the same, or not?
 
This “retelling in a different way” is something that can be helpful for postmodern therapists. When clients tell me a story, I will often tell it back to them, but sometimes in a more positive way or in a way that suggests there may be further action for them to take. To give a simplified example, a client might say “I spend a lot of time and money learning how to knit and I can’t even make a scarf!” which I might summarize to them as “you’re working really hard to learn how to knit but you’re not quite there yet.” No one has ever come to therapy to talk about knitting (yet) but people often are frustrated when they’ve tried to master something and are not succeeding. Once a therapist opens up a sense of possibility, the client can start building from there, in collaboration with the therapist, of course.
 
I might end up moving the talk along: “so you were making some progress with the scarf and you were able to knit a one-color scarf really well, but when you decided to make a three-color scarf it got pretty tough, right?” Clients will agree with this as the facts are still the same, but there is a different tilt to the story. Then it becomes possible to open up a discussion of possibilities, what has gone right with the knitting and how to apply those skills.
 
So when you’re checking out Galactic Empire, ask yourself: “what story have I boxed myself in on?” “What have I wanted to do and given up on prematurely?” It may be that you ended the story too soon and a re-telling may take it from an orchestral score to a full-on metal assault. Rock on, friends.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx. 

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By Mike McMahan, LPC

Most likely you know that the number of autism diagnoses have risen dramatically in the last few years. There may be several reasons for this, though it’s important to note that there is no evidence that vaccines are among them and that this has been discredited by the scientific community. What is also inarguable is that there we are going to encounter more and more children with autism and, logically, more adults with autism in the future. Many parents of children with autism (and special needs parents in general) wonder what the future holds. I recently stumbled onto a story about being a man with autism and the struggle to be involved in, and understand, romance. To me, it has Hollywood written all over it, as it shows the potential to overcome a serious emotional challenge.

As the author, Phil Martin, explains, love presents a lot of challenges for him—as it does for all of us. For Phil, an adult on the autism spectrum, moving in with a girlfriend meant dealing with how to be close with an intimate partner, learning to eat different foods and questioning what exactly love is. Though this relationship, like many, was unsuccessful, the article ends on a hopeful note, as now Phil is married.

So how did Phil overcome these challenges? One way he did it was step-by-step, with small steps all along the way. Note what he said about eating: “She agreed to cook the foods I liked but only if she could incorporate new foods into my diet. It started with boneless baked chicken and macaroni and cheese. Eventually, she would add in broccoli, rice, corn, etc. Eventually she put a big spin on things and made Parmesan chicken. It took some getting used to but at the end of the day, I tried more new foods in my 24th year than my entire life.” So his partner made the foods he liked but with a small amount of new things thrown in. This story is so visual for me that I feel as though the script would write itself, and I’m highly confident that the story would move a lot of people and be helpful in dispelling some autism myths.

Think about how this might apply to your own life. I’ve used exercise as an example before, but it bears repeating as it is something that many people (including myself) struggle to integrate and complete successfully. Many will say to themselves, “I’m going to run as far as I can today,” and maybe even jog three or four miles. You might even do it again the next day. But by that third day, you’re so tired you can’t do it. Then you fall into negative self-talk (“I can’t do this, I’m a failure”) and abandon the project. But what if you did a minimal amount of exercise for a week and then gradually increased it a little more? Results aren’t going to be instantaneous anyway, so “the long run” is the most important, anyway. Once you begin to have a routine, you can increase it very gradually. It seems that is what Phil did. A little at a time until he got used to it. And it sounds like it took a full year.

So give yourself a break and take it slow. One new food at a time, one bite at a time. And let’s hope Phil Martin’s story makes it to the silver screen sometime down the line.

 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.