By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
We all play roles in our life, and this is something that a therapist can explore with clients. How do our behavior and feelings change when we are in parenting mode versus work mode? It’s also something that can be explored (in a subtle fashion) with children. But if you can explore playing roles, can it be done via role-playing games?
 
I must confess, this article from Kotaku, which discusses the possibility of playing Dungeons & Dragons as a way for therapists to engage clients, is pretty much my favorite thing in some time. If you view your life as a story, what better way to shape and explore than through a world of fantasy in which all interactions and situations are controllable within the therapy room? There are a lot of possibilities with thus, both literally and metaphorically. On the literal front, it is a way to explore social interactions and “what would you do in this scenario” for any number of social situations. For clients who need help with day-to-day social interactions, their character can go to a shop and practice buying swords and magic items. As the article points out, this benefit may be magnified for clients with autism who struggle with social skills. For clients who need help with decision making, the therapist can help their “character” (wink wink) learn to weigh the pros and cons of making a certain decision and later explore what the benefits and consequences of that decision were.
 
Another possible benefit not explored in the above article is character creation itself. This can be a way for kids to reflect on their strengths and how to apply them. “Are you better at being strong or being smart? What makes you say that?” Kids respond well to this sort of concrete thinking.
 
So, if you aren’t a D&D player yourself (or, if you’re like me, you were a player as a kid and only remember endless arguing), what can you do with this to help you parent? Rory’s Story Cubes can accomplish many of the same things with less effort on parent’s part. And it is also applicable to younger children. I have used this type of thing a number of times with clients and it has never failed to produce results; this applies to younger kids and those who are intellectually and developmentally disabled.
 
So get out your swords, your gold pieces and your Monster Manuals and Fiend Folios. Let’s go on a quest…
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC, is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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 By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
“Madonna is back in the news”—words that never seem to stay away for long. It appears that there will be a new, unauthorized movie about her life. And, predictably, she’s not happy. "Nobody knows what I know and what I have seen. Only I can tell my story. Anyone else who tries is a charlatan and a fool. Looking for instant gratification without doing the work. This is a disease in our society." Madonna benefits from every bit of news about her, in my opinion. She is an early example of the celebrities of today, who seem to be in multiple mediums at any given time and who are more cult of personality types than artists or performers. Madonna became known for her music and worked hard for success, no doubt. Is she more than hype now?
 
But that’s neither here nor there. Because Madonna is totally, absolutely right in her statement denouncing this film. No one knows what she knows and what she has seen. “Your life is your story” is emblazoned on the front page of this very website, and I believe it is completely true. As a premise for therapy, the statement (and Madonna’s likely disingenuous rant) hits it right on the money, and the idea of re-telling and re-shaping your story in therapy is something that works. In some ways, this style—narrative therapy—is more accessible now than when it first was proposed years ago. There are examples all around us.
 
I sometimes ask clients to look at their life from someone else’s perspective in order for them to gain insight into whatever situation is being discussed. “If your brother was here, what would he say about your decision?” It’s not that this other person knows more about your life. But they may have noticed things that slipped by you. They definitely have their own perspective on things, and you are a supporting character in their life story. In your own, you are obviously the lead.
 
But Madonna’s statement pre-supposes that this film will portray her in a negative light. But is that true? What if someone wrote an unauthorized bio of your life… and it made you look better?
 
We don’t have to look hard to find examples where public perceptions of people’s lives gloss over their imperfections. John Lennon is widely perceived as a symbol of love and peace. And, hey, I absolutely love The Beatles. But if you read serious works about him and the band, he’s not that nice. At all. There are numerous, documented incidents of him being racist, homophobic and an adulterer. Which image of his is "true?" One of them? Both? Neither?
 
Or consider the film Schindler’s List. It is based on a novel, but that novel is based on the life of real hero Oskar Schindler, who saved the lives of many, many Jews during the Holocaust. This is a man who has a memorial tree planted for him in Israel who, oh yeah, was a Nazi. The movie paints him up as a saint, however, whining at the end that he could have saved more lives. But further reading suggests that Schindler was a war profiteer who ended the war much wealthier than he began. But he also took enormous risks to save lives. So the “truth” is, perhaps, less flattering (though I would argue much more compelling in Schindler’s case).
 
So, consider this: what would an unauthorized biopic of your life look like? I suppose it would depend on who made it and what sort of story they wanted to tell. If you’ve lived long enough, you’re a treasure trove of stories and experiences. Which would you prefer: authorized or unauthorized? And why?
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
You may have seen the artwork of Butcher Billy, as it’s been making the rounds on social media lately. The folks over at Laughing Squid brought this to my attention and it’s both inspiring and a bit scary.
 
First, the scary. These songs are extremely creepy when considered through this perspective. Except, of course, “Every Breath You Take,” which has always been pretty creepy. Butcher Billy did an outstanding job of invoking the look of King’s classic covers. This retro horror is all over the place these days, most prominently on Netflix’s heavily-hyped Stranger Things (which, to be fair, completely delivers on the hype). I’m thinking we’ll see more of this look.
 
Second, the inspiring. Looking at these covers is a good reminder of something we’ve talked about frequently, which is that a story can change in the retelling. All it took to render these lyrics as an ode to stalking and obsession was some new fonts and artwork to recall classic horror book covers. That’s literally it. No offense to Mr. Billy, who did a fine job executing these. My point is that meaning can shift very quickly with a few strokes (or words).
 
What has been the book cover of your life lately? It seems you’d have to start with genre. Have you been trying to figure things out (mystery)? Do you have a new love in your life (romance)? Are you dreaming of what your life will be like when you complete a current challenge (fantasy)?
 
Now comes the hard part. What would happen to the story if you changed the genre. What if you shifted from romance to Western? Perhaps your love affair would all of a sudden seem like a showdown. High Noon stuff. Would you be thinking of a make-or-break with your partner? Is this “the one?” Are you willing to lay it all on the line and tell this person exactly how you feel?
 
What if your life shifted from a fantasy to a mystery? Perhaps you’re looking at a challenge and just figuring out a way to get through it. You’re going to put your head down and fight, fight, fight. But maybe you should think about this. What have you used to solve problems before, besides just elbow grease? Why are you using your current approach? Is there something that might be more effective and allow a different ending? Who knows, maybe this is a mash-up of two genres, something that has been all the rage for some time know, as we confront a creative era in which, seemingly, “everything has been done.” The good news is that everything hasn’t been done in your life. Your story may be well underway, but you can always change the tone and the outcome. Slap a new cover on there and find out what your life is about now.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
What if LOST had really gone out with a bang?
 
According to this recent article, the producers of LOST wanted to include the eruption of a volcano in the series finale of the show. The final season tends to be heavily criticized, but I am a LOST fanboy and think they did the best they could considering it was, in all likelihood, made up as the series went along. To me, this was apparent while viewing it, and there was no ending that was going to tie up all of the loose ends. The volcano would have been better than the golden light (which was kinda hokey, truthfully).
 
What fascinated me about this LOST revelation was that the producers and writers had hinted about the possibility of the volcano playing a role and were forced to abandon it due to budget constraints. Generally when writing fiction, the developments in the story should pull towards the ending. Otherwise, the creator runs the risk of having a deus ex machina moment and annoying readers/viewers.
 
To get existential for a moment, all of our lives have the same literal ending. No one lives forever. But that’s not what we’re talking about here. If we view our lives as a series of interlocking stories, inevitably new pieces will begin and others will end. It’s the natural ebb and flow of living 70+ years.
 
But how the story of our lives and events in our lives end is something else entirely. Frequently when I meet with a client for the first time, they may feel that they have hit a dead end. “I can’t solve this problem because this and this and that happened, so I’m stuck with this situation.” As a therapist and creative person, I totally understand this line of thinking. Many of us group things that happen in our life into stories, and if you notice things (like hints of a volcano, say) it’s no surprise that you expect a volcano at the end. But are events and outcomes in our life inevitable? I don’t think they are.
 
My first thought upon hearing that someone feels that a certain outcome is predetermined is to ask “what would you like to see happen?” Inevitably, the client is going to say something different than whatever they feel is the predetermined outcome. Helping a client set this goal is the job of a therapist. It’s funny… we may sit around our house thinking that we want something to be different but not sure what it is or how to make it happen. Then you get in a room with a therapist and you’re able to articulate a goal. Like magic!
 
And it is a bit like magic… but not really. That “someone I don’t know” is a big part of the reason that therapy works. When you’re talking to a mental health professional in an office or clinic, it’s totally different than talking to a friend or family member. You don’t have to ask yourself “why is this person giving me this advice?” because a therapist is not involved in your life personally and you recognize that they have no personal stake in the outcome. This is, of course, the value of therapeutic services being very private. It’s a literal sanctuary. A place where the ending is not predetermined and where you can collaborate to work on the steps to get to that all-new better ending.
 
Unless… 4 8 15 16 23 42 means something to you. In which case, maybe it is all predetermined.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
 
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