By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
“Madonna is back in the news”—words that never seem to stay away for long. It appears that there will be a new, unauthorized movie about her life. And, predictably, she’s not happy. "Nobody knows what I know and what I have seen. Only I can tell my story. Anyone else who tries is a charlatan and a fool. Looking for instant gratification without doing the work. This is a disease in our society." Madonna benefits from every bit of news about her, in my opinion. She is an early example of the celebrities of today, who seem to be in multiple mediums at any given time and who are more cult of personality types than artists or performers. Madonna became known for her music and worked hard for success, no doubt. Is she more than hype now?
 
But that’s neither here nor there. Because Madonna is totally, absolutely right in her statement denouncing this film. No one knows what she knows and what she has seen. “Your life is your story” is emblazoned on the front page of this very website, and I believe it is completely true. As a premise for therapy, the statement (and Madonna’s likely disingenuous rant) hits it right on the money, and the idea of re-telling and re-shaping your story in therapy is something that works. In some ways, this style—narrative therapy—is more accessible now than when it first was proposed years ago. There are examples all around us.
 
I sometimes ask clients to look at their life from someone else’s perspective in order for them to gain insight into whatever situation is being discussed. “If your brother was here, what would he say about your decision?” It’s not that this other person knows more about your life. But they may have noticed things that slipped by you. They definitely have their own perspective on things, and you are a supporting character in their life story. In your own, you are obviously the lead.
 
But Madonna’s statement pre-supposes that this film will portray her in a negative light. But is that true? What if someone wrote an unauthorized bio of your life… and it made you look better?
 
We don’t have to look hard to find examples where public perceptions of people’s lives gloss over their imperfections. John Lennon is widely perceived as a symbol of love and peace. And, hey, I absolutely love The Beatles. But if you read serious works about him and the band, he’s not that nice. At all. There are numerous, documented incidents of him being racist, homophobic and an adulterer. Which image of his is "true?" One of them? Both? Neither?
 
Or consider the film Schindler’s List. It is based on a novel, but that novel is based on the life of real hero Oskar Schindler, who saved the lives of many, many Jews during the Holocaust. This is a man who has a memorial tree planted for him in Israel who, oh yeah, was a Nazi. The movie paints him up as a saint, however, whining at the end that he could have saved more lives. But further reading suggests that Schindler was a war profiteer who ended the war much wealthier than he began. But he also took enormous risks to save lives. So the “truth” is, perhaps, less flattering (though I would argue much more compelling in Schindler’s case).
 
So, consider this: what would an unauthorized biopic of your life look like? I suppose it would depend on who made it and what sort of story they wanted to tell. If you’ve lived long enough, you’re a treasure trove of stories and experiences. Which would you prefer: authorized or unauthorized? And why?
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
Let’s face it, a lot of rock guitar playing (and ESPECIALLY metal) is about effects. As this video posted on Metal Injection makes painfully clear, without some distortion, your riffs are pretty much gonna suck. Safe to say there would be no arenas full of people rocking out if all these riffs were played clean (although “Raining Blood” still sounds pretty darn sinister—that’s Slayer for ya).
 
I had an immediate reaction to this video as a therapist, which is that this immediately applies in two seemingly unrelated areas a lot of us wrestle with; so let’s free associate, shall we? While cutting out distortion ruins a lot of rock, it’s damn good for effective communication. Let’s look at a couple of examples.
 
The first is that a lot of what people are trying to tell us gets lost in a lot of bluster, or distortion. So many of us are overwhelmed by so much information all day, it’s hard to process it. People talking to us at work, at home and blasting us full of information, especially on social media. But how much of this is real and how much of it is, well, distorted? We live in an era of fakery more than ever. People can construct their own simple riff and then pile a lot of distortion on top of it. It used to be Keeping Up With The Joneses; not it’s keeping up with the Joneses’ Facebook. And much of what people post is a narrative about their life that is misleading at best and untrue at worst.
 
But you don’t have to listen. There’s always just stepping back. But you can also work the idea of narrative to your own advantage your own effect, if you will. We often make the mistake of thinking we are the only one with problems, when that is simply untrue. We’re just hearing our own unfiltered riffs and they’re sucking. Ask yourself, are people really hearing this? Or are they too busy wrapped up in their own problems and lives to even notice what you’re saying, let alone cut through the clutter. Most people’s lives are turbocharged in the way they present them. There’s nothing to keep up with because it’s distortion and underneath, they have the same simple wants, dreams, fears that you and I do.
 
The other thing this video made me think of is communicating in a relationship. When we fight with our significant other, there’s a LOT of distortion: shouting, emotion, etc. So what is the simple riff underneath all that noise? This is one reason that many marriage and family therapists recommend that when you are trying to help your partner understand where you’re coming from use what’s called an “I need” statement. “I need your support.” “I need you to help me take care of the kids at bedtime.” “I need you to respect that I need to work late.” Cutting out the distortion helps get the point across and may make the talk more effective. An “I need” is much different that “you never support me!” “You never take care of the kids at bedtime!” It’s much more direct and you might have a better chance of getting through to your partner without all that noise.
 
But metal, yeah. It is horrible without the distortion. So don’t change that.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC, is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
Galactic Empire, a metal band that specializes in metalizing (you guessed it) Star Wars soundtrack numbers just released a self-titled, full-length album. Though this is a novelty record through and through, it’s a pretty fun one. Their take on the Cantina Band theme is especially cool. Multiple music critics have made the assertion that heavy metal is rooted in classical music, especially the European classical tradition, and this album makes a pretty strong case. If you’re still not convinced, there’s a whole history of this type of metal/classical stuff, most successfully Apocalyptica plays Metallica.
 
OK, you may be asking yourself, what does this have to do with psychotherapy? Well, it turns out that telling your story in a different fashion can really make a lot of difference. On one hand, the notes, rhythms, chord changes, etc. from the original Star Wars soundtrack are the same when an orchestra performs the score or when Galactic Empire rips it up. But, wait a minute. It sounds almost completely different when Galactic Empire does it. So is it the same, or not?
 
This “retelling in a different way” is something that can be helpful for postmodern therapists. When clients tell me a story, I will often tell it back to them, but sometimes in a more positive way or in a way that suggests there may be further action for them to take. To give a simplified example, a client might say “I spend a lot of time and money learning how to knit and I can’t even make a scarf!” which I might summarize to them as “you’re working really hard to learn how to knit but you’re not quite there yet.” No one has ever come to therapy to talk about knitting (yet) but people often are frustrated when they’ve tried to master something and are not succeeding. Once a therapist opens up a sense of possibility, the client can start building from there, in collaboration with the therapist, of course.
 
I might end up moving the talk along: “so you were making some progress with the scarf and you were able to knit a one-color scarf really well, but when you decided to make a three-color scarf it got pretty tough, right?” Clients will agree with this as the facts are still the same, but there is a different tilt to the story. Then it becomes possible to open up a discussion of possibilities, what has gone right with the knitting and how to apply those skills.
 
So when you’re checking out Galactic Empire, ask yourself: “what story have I boxed myself in on?” “What have I wanted to do and given up on prematurely?” It may be that you ended the story too soon and a re-telling may take it from an orchestral score to a full-on metal assault. Rock on, friends.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx. 

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By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
You may have heard of Metallica. The thrash metal legends been in the news quite a bit lately, between announcing a massive stadium tour and performing on the Grammys with the amazingly awesome Lady Gaga. That performance, of course, was marred by vocalist/guitarist James Hetfield’s mic being unplugged. An enterprising fan restored the audio through some sort of computer magic and it totally rocked—though that video seems to be down now, presumably due to Metallica’s metal militia of lawyers.
 
ANYWAY, they’ve been in the news. Late last year they put out a pretty damn good album, too: Hardwired… To Self-Destruct. Metallica hasn’t put out a good album in years, though their 80s classics are undeniable and highly influential. To be fair, they’re in a difficult position. Their early success was about being hungry and doing something new. Now they are multi-millionaires with families. It makes the angsty lyrics reek of self-parody. Still, Hardwired brings it in a major way for the first time in years. How, exactly?
 
Guitarist Kirk Hammett shines some light on this matter in a way that serves as a nice example of how therapy can work, too. “If you can call 2008's Death Magnetic a return to form,” he says, “then you can call 2016's Hardwired… To Self-Destruct more of that. We reached backwards in the intentions of creating something new, first with Death Magnetic, and we did this again with this album — looking backwards in the attempt to create something new. And, as a result, when I listen to this album, it has elements of Kill 'Em All, Ride The Lightning, Master [Of Puppets], …[And] Justice [For All], Black album — I hear all that stuff — but it's still unique and it's still different.” This is a perfect example of how Solution Focused Brief Therapy can work. The premise of this approach is that past solutions are being overlooked and that this lack of recognition is preventing a solution to the current problem.
 
One of the key elements of this school of therapy is that solutions to current problems lie in past successes. It’s fairly obvious how this works in relation to Hammett’s statement. They took a look at their old records and asked themselves “what was good about that?” But, and this is the important part, they didn’t just copy those old records. They asked themselves what worked, and then recast it for where they are now. For my money, Hardwired took a lesson from Kill ‘Em All in that the riffs are not as complex and don’t sound as forced. The band sounds like maybe, just maybe, they were actually having fun.
 
But how would this work in therapy? In a simplified example, let’s say a client comes to me and says “I’m having trouble meeting women and I’d really like to be in a relationship.” This is actually a relatively common therapy concern—for both genders and for any sexual orientation. The obvious thing might be to do the thing the client’s friends have no doubt done—suggest places to meet people: bars, the grocery store, bookstores, activities, whatever. But maybe the person could, instead, think back to other times when they’ve been comfortable meeting people and interacting with them. Then perhaps they could consider why they were comfortable in that situation. Was it work, and they felt confident with their competence on the job? Was it school and they felt good about an academic subject? This might be followed with a question about what is a situation now that would make them feel this way? Again, this is very simplified, but it illustrates the point: what was a past solution that you aren’t considering and how can you apply it in a new way? Remember, you frequently have the means to solve these problems within yourself. You’ve likely done it before.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC, is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.
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