By Mike McMahan, LPC
 
I have written extensively about the power of narratives in psychotherapy, particularly in one of my favorite pieces, concerning the films of Quentin Tarantino. So I was kinda blown away when I ran across this article from Wired that makes a lot of the same points I’ve tried to make, only really cool because it’s about nuclear bombs going off in video games. I’m being sarcastic, but not really; my whole reason for this blog is to help people think about therapy and self-help in terms of pop culture that they enjoy in everyday life and to remove the stigma of mental health by helping people realize that tools are all around them and already in their personal arsenal. Your arsenal, that is. You hold the keys to solving current problems by examining past successes.
 
The section that most struck me from the Wired piece was “But losing is important. I’m not saying that games should be harder. I’m talking about the importance of failure to narrative.” This applies not just to challenging players in video games, but also to movies and to life. Think about something like Star Wars. Would it have been the same if, instead of getting caught by a tractor beam, the Millennium Falcon had simply waltzed up to the Death Star and blown it up? If Obi-Wan had never been killed by Vader (*spoiler alert--haha*)? No. Luke learned about the meaning of struggle, which gave his ultimate victory of blowing up the Death Star (and ultimately toppling the Empire) more meaning. He had to sacrifice to get there. Things inherently have more value in stories, and in life, if they are hard to get. Which is the point of failure in video games and the article on their lack, at times.
 
Think back about a time in your life when you have failed at something. And I’m not talking last week. Maybe several months or even years ago. There is the cliché that “there is always a silver lining,” but I think oftentimes we make that silver lining ourselves. When I was in grad school, I got a much lower than expected grade on an assessment exercise. As a result, I really applied myself and did much better and was commended by the professor on a project later in the semester. I realized that I didn’t quite understand what I was supposed to do, so I took a harder look at the textbook and other materials. My final work was much better and even meant more to me. Was I annoyed at the initial low grade? You better believe it. So there was a silver lining, but only because I did something differently.
 
So consider the failure that you identified from above. What did you learn from that failure? What did you do differently as a result of that failure? If you learned a new skill, how did you learn it? If you adjusted your attitude, how did you make that adjustment? What victory did this lead to and did it mean more to you once you defeated a challenge?
 
Now think of a challenge that you are facing currently, today, right now in your life. What lesson can you apply from a past defeat followed by victory. What about that new skill? What about a reminder that sometimes you do have to check your attitude or outlook? What about a reminder that things take time and patience is required, even if it’s hard? All of these, and more, can spring from failure. There is power in failure, but you have to harness it.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.

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By Mike McMahan, LPC

​Huge kudos, thumbs up and all the rest to Disney for their announcement that the new live action Beauty and the Beast starring Hermione Granger herself will include an openly gay character. There are a lot of reasons that this is positive, many of which I discussed previously when advocating for #GiveElsaAGirlfriend. In the most predictable move ever, Christian social conservatives are not one bit happy. I know this goes against their values, but, really; it's not as if this is going to be some sort of explicit sex scene. It's Disney.
 
I’ve tried to more or less stay away from politics on this blog, because, let’s face it: there’s a million other places to discuss this and virtually every site in the world is Trump 24/7—love him or hate him. But the field of psychology is very pro-LGBTQ, as am I personally. But I also understand that the issue of homosexuality can be tricky to address with kids; as can, frankly, any issue of sex or sexuality. So how to discuss this matter with children, especially younger ones?
 
I am a big fan of books, and the best one that I know of concerning LGBTQ families is And Tango Makes Three, the charming story of a penguin with two dads. What I like about this book (besides everything) is that the fact that Tango has two dads isn’t a huge issue. It just is. That sort of normalizing is a perfect way to address an issue with kids without beating them over the head with it.
 
Another option is just to be open with kids. Though I am not gay, I do have LGBTQ friends, family and co-workers; as, I’m sure, the social conservatives railing against this film do. When my daughter, who is almost five, met a friend and colleague who is lesbian, I mentioned that she was getting married. When my daughter asked me about it, I responded that “mostly boys fall in love with and marry girls, and mostly girls fall in love with and marry boys. But sometimes boys fall in love with boys and girls fall in love with girls.”
 
Her response? “Oh.” Talk over.
 
Someday we will get to a place where this will be virtually everyone’s reaction. We’re getting there now, but we aren’t all the way there, clearly. The Bible is currently being used as the key argument against homosexuality, just as it was in the not-too-distant past, when interracial marriage was much more controversial (and much less common) than it is now. And when we hit that point, it won’t be news that there are gay characters. But we aren’t there yet. And for those LGBTQ youth who are scared and isolated, Disney’s move is an important step in letting them know they’re loved just like all children should be and deserve to be.
 
 
Mike McMahan, LPC is a psychotherapist based in San Antonio, Tx.